Why Choose to Grieve?
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”
- Khalil Gibran
Francis Weller writes, "Grief has always been communal, always been shared and consequently has traditionally been regarded as a sacred process. Too often in modern times our grief becomes private, carrying an invisible mantle of shame forcing our sorrow underground, hidden from the eyes that would offer healing. We must restore the conversation we need to have concerning the place of grief in our lives. Each of us must undertake an apprenticeship with loss."
In these times we often don’t have access to a healthy communal space to express grief and sorrow.
We’re taught that grief is something to be done only in extreme circumstances, and if grief is expressed,
it should be done quickly and privately.
This leads us to carry the burden of unprocessed and unwitnessed grief throughout our lives.
When we don’t allow grief to move we’re left feeling heavy-hearted and alone.
This can lead to numbing grief with distraction, addiction, or isolation.
It also numbs us from the joy, wonder, and beauty that life has to offer.
When We Choose To Grieve
We choose to feel both the joy and sorrow of life.
We choose the shared connection that each of us hold.
We choose to not be alone.
We choose to belong.
We choose to live fully.
What Do We Grieve?
"It is a terrible source of grief in itself not to be able to grieve.” - Martin Prechtel
The grief we carry can show up in many different ways, often we find ourselves experiencing various forms of grief throughout our days and lives. Francis Weller in his book "The Wild Edge of Sorrow" writes about the 5 Gates of Grief:
The 5 Gates of Grief
First Gate: Everything we love we will lose.
Losing someone or something we love
Loss of those who depart this Earth before us; our parents, spouse, children, siblings, friends
Loss of home, beloved animals, places you have loved
Loss from illness or injury; treasured skills and capacities
Loss of a life dream
Second Gate: The Places that have not known love
Places in ourselves never touched by love
Places wrapped in shame and banished
Places lived outside of compassion, warmth and welcome
Parts that we hate in ourselves and hold in contempt and that we deny the healing power of community
Outcast portions of our soul appearing as addictions, depression, anxiety and other symptoms calling for our attention.
Third Gate: The Sorrows of the World
The losses of the world around us
Daily diminishment of species, habitats and cultures
Sorrow for the Earth (not personal but shared and communal)
Fourth Gate: What we expected and did not receive
Things we may never realize we have lost, because we weren’t born into a village with full joyous welcome of our gifts
And so we carry:
Unconscious disappointment
Feelings of loneliness and aloneness
Diminished experience of who we truly are
At the core of this grief is our longing to belong and longing to be longed for.
Fifth Gate: Ancestral Grief
Unacknowledged and untended sorrow of those who came before us:
Lost connection to land, language, imagination, rituals, songs, stories of their/our ancestors
Sense of homelessness, orphaned between old and new worlds
Experience of woundedness, loss and abandonment, where grief and shame are intermingled, residing in the psychic history of our lineage
Collective soul grief of abuses of millions
From the work of Francis Weller in his book “The Wild Edge of Sorrow”
What Does A Grief Ritual Look Like?
This gathering is about sharing what is true for you, whether it’s tears, anger, numbness or fear.
It‘s about authenticity and connection.
There’s no expectation that you express your grief in any specific way. It’s not designed to “fix or process” you.
We’re hear to listen and express gratitude and share your feelings and experience.
This isn’t a depressing event, it’s a joyful, life affirming one.
All of you is welcome.
Over 3 days you’ll
share, witness, and honor our grief and our joy.
be invited to speak and listen from the heart.
connect to the natural world, other people, and with yourself.
share in simple rituals that honor the fullness and wholeness of life.